Menu
Connexion Yabiladies Islam Radio Forum News
Need some clarity please
I
13 June 2016 00:08
I live in Tennessee, USA. I met this wonderful Moroccan man that simply put I adored from the start. He is so sweet to my boys and for the most part very kind to me as well. We started dating and spending at least one day off a week from work together. I fell in love with him and he said he was in love with me too. My boys adore him and love having him around. He was teaching my youngest son to play soccer and would attend some of my son's games. When my son won a trophy with his soccer, my boyfriend prosit told everyone his stepson won a trophy. My son was being with pride. I stayed imaging a possible future with him and even went to a local Mosque with a Muslim couple (who were my friends before I met my boyfriend). I really enjoyed it as did my boys. The people were so nice and invited my children and myself back. I genuinely felt welcomed. I started reading the Quran, as I am Catholic it seemed very much like how I was raised to believe with a few differences. I am very intrigued with what I read and shared it with my children. They were very curious as well and wanted to be able to connect with my boyfriend better too. Then two days later my boyfriend broke up with me. Saying that he has no choice. He said that his mom is very sick and told him that if he isn't going to marry me then he needs to break up with me. He said she told him that if he doesn't break up with me then she would never speak to him again and that if she dies he is not allowed to ask about her. It shattered my heart and broke my youngest son's heart as well. My Muslim friend told me not to worry, that he'll contact me in 3 weeks when Ramadan has past and want me back because I'm a super nice person and always do my best to please him. I want to believe her but he has deleted me from Facebook and it seems like he's trying to completely erase me from his life. I truly love him and just wish I was good enough for him. I guess my real question is, how a Moroccan man can confess that he loves you and then erase you like you never existed?
K
13 June 2016 00:26
Hi,

I apologize for my approximate english, I'm a french woman with maghreb roots.

Mother's opinion could be very important for a man in Morocco. It's clearly kind of blackmail, if he does not stop your relationship she won't talk to him anymore. He just cannot imagine living without her. He's probably suffering from this situation, so he has totally stopped contact between you.

One other possibily is that he has not the guts to break up.
But the first seems more possible according to the way you described him.

May God be with you in shaa Allah

Best regards



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 06/13/2016 12:30 by Kim Patachian.
I
13 June 2016 00:37
Kim,
Thank you and may God be with you as well. I would never ask him to sacrifice his religion, family, or anything for me. I love him and all that he is. I would never wish to change him. I just want to be a part of his world as I have accepted him to be apart of mine. I'm torn because a part of me wants to break down and yell it's not fair, I shouldnt have to give him up but the adult part of me says always respect other people's choices and accept what is....
K
13 June 2016 00:52
I totally agree with you, you gave the right definition of love. He seems to share the same opinion, he was completely lovable with your child. But they suffer now that makes me very sad for them.

A muslim man is allowed to marry a Christian woman but her mother is certainly caring about what people will say, or kind of fear or discrimination.

You did not give him up, this is quite the contrary. Let it go, as your friends said and see the evolution. Easier to say, I know. Maybe he will contact you. Do you have the possibility to write him a mail or letter?



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 06/13/2016 12:55 by Kim Patachian.
s
13 June 2016 00:59
Hello,

As Patachian said, mothers are extremely influent in the moroccan community for a man (even after mariage). And unfortunately, sons often choose their mother over their wife.

If he's already erased you from his life move on and live your life ! Do you really want a man who leaves you like nothing happened between you ?
If he told you he'll come back you should be very careful before engaging yourself with someone who obviously will always pass his mother over you.

May God be with you



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/13/2016 01:03 by soult.
I
13 June 2016 01:06
Soult,
Thank you for your words of wisdom. I would love to say I'm strong enough to say no to him if he came back, but as I'm an honest person I can't do that. The wound is to fresh. Maybe in a few weeks I'll be strong enough but right now I am not.
May God be with you and yours
I
13 June 2016 01:10
Kim,
Thank you again. It is easier to say than do. I will wait and see if he contacts me and if he doesn't then I'll hurt for a little while. And then I'll pick myself up, smile, and move on.
May God bless you and yours
K
13 June 2016 01:26
The best thing to do definitely.
You're welcome , May God bless you and your child too
M
13 June 2016 11:24
Hi,

I myself had this problem with my family. I found a girl that I connected to. My sister with all her best intentions was against the idea of me marrying that girl, saying that she wasn't good for me and so on.. Of course I did what is supposed to be done in this kind of situations.whether it worked out or not I gave it a chance. I listened to no voice but my own. And I believe he shoud have done the same. Yes his mother is fAmily and family is important, but it was time to start his own.
13 June 2016 13:09
Hi there

Sorry to interrupt but I'm lil bit confused here. Could you tell us why did he broke up with ya?
Seems like you didn't mention why he broke up and dafuq is wrong with him, really.

Just asking, no offense meant.
I
14 June 2016 03:39
He broke it off with me because his mother told him to. He said that she told him that if he did not then she would no longer speak to him and that he would not be allowed to ask about her. Please before toy judge him, know that he is a really good man. His mother is ill in Belgium while he is here in the States. I know is very difficult for him to deal with being so far away from his family. I'm trying really hard to be understanding and not selfish in my grief over losing him. It's just hard to know that I must have meant so little to him to discard our relationship so easily.
14 June 2016 05:36
Ok then, but i'm still not getting the point, I have my lil idea (she maybe wants a Muslim woman for her boy....not so sure after all).

You quote : "It's just hard to know that I must have meant so little to him to discard our relationship so easily." --- Maybe not.
The fact is, as you said : his mum is sick. I think that he probably thinks that his mum is actually on her deathbed. Let us think ....Perplexe

In my opinion, your chum took his mother's command as her last wish, this could be her last first rate recommendation.
Here we are, in this unfortunate dilemma.
It's my kind of approach or view, concerning the story. But this might be wrong, I'm not sure.

Take a deep breath, he'll be back, I believe so in chaa Allah.


Quote
Irisheyes
He broke it off with me because his mother told him to. He said that she told him that if he did not then she would no longer speak to him and that he would not be allowed to ask about her. Please before toy judge him, know that he is a really good man. His mother is ill in Belgium while he is here in the States. I know is very difficult for him to deal with being so far away from his family. I'm trying really hard to be understanding and not selfish in my grief over losing him. It's just hard to know that I must have meant so little to him to discard our relationship so easily.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/24/2016 03:49 by Northern77.
15 June 2016 15:06
I'm really sorry to learn about what you have experienced.

In our culture , we need support and green light from our parents when we decide to marry someone. That respect is like the corner stone around whom everything settles down in our lives. Because we think that without this green light , nothing will happen well or so as we would like .

I wish you lot of love and hapiness , you seem to be a very lovely person.
 
Emission spécial MRE
2m Radio + Yabiladi.com
Join Yabiladi on Facebook