Hi everybodey, before I start, I do not welcome comments or arguments, but i do welcome advises and a lots of advises please..... Well here is my story: I used to hang out with this guy sort of my first love and I was his too when we were teenagers, sort of dating but nothing physical, so this guy left to another country after I breack up with him, my life kept moving but I didnt pay that much attention to him by then because our relationship was finished in a nice way. So after that I moved to another country for school too. I met a very sweet, smart and nice gentlman with whom I fell in love and since the feeling was mutual we ended up getting married and living hapily thereafter. But lately I started wondering about what happened to the man I first dated in my life? I feel very eager to see him and talk to him? Is this normal? what can I do, I love my husband and It's very true that I no longer have feeling about that first man especially now that I am married for quite sometime. Please help me clear this guy out of my mind??? What can I do?
First of all let me tell you that I understand your situation.
But It's better not to try a bring back the past, it seems to me that (ashaytan arajim) is trying to play around with your mind beware sister!.
Your current husband and maybe kids deserve your attention an not some other guy,I am sure that they will not be happy with you if you try and contact him and it's better to keep your household safe than to bring fire into it (suspision ect...).
If memories keep comming back then say: (A3oudo billahi bina ashaytani arajim) you say as well (Astaghfi3o allah al 3adhim min koli zanbin 3adhim) and mention Allah soubhanah (dhirk).
May Allah help you and keep you safe from waswasat achaitan, Amine
Salam Arabi77, I appreciate your feedback and I will try to do whatever you mentioned inshalah and hopefuly it'll help me getting out of this situation, as I was explaining, this thinking comes and goes like now I don't even think about that man and I keep telling myself that it's insane to do so but when that moment comes I kinda don't know how to react and control myself??? That is what's killing me
Know before that your situation is a normal and there’s nothing strange in this feeling.
But to clean this guy out your mind, you must back to the past and review the moment you past with him, to identify the crucial emotion which put you in such situation.
For that, here is my plan: 1- take one hour alone in your room, very cool and relaxed, 2- Turn on the radio tape, and listen to the music what you listened together 3- Take a paper and pen; write down every thing (bad or good) that you shared with the guy. Be aware you can forget nothing. It’s very important to write your feeling whatever happens, stay calm 4- At the end, stop the music and put the paper in your pocket, don’t read it for the moment 5- Do something else, 6- The day after, take the paper and read it, with calm 7- Tell us what you feel.
Hi Wonder, I went through a similar situation. I encourage you to seek information about that first guy, and if you can, talk to him. What'll happen is that you'll find out that your lives have diverged so much, that there is hardly anything that connects you anymore. That way, you'll flush him out of your system once and for all. Good luck
Hello Wonder, I hesitated to write since the first day you posted your subject, but after I read mounir-soussi above, I decided I couldn't stay silent. so here it is: I think what mounir-soussi is saying is real recipe for disaster, we are human beings and as all human beings, fragile, so don't feel that you're the only one who had these kinds of feelings while in a happy marriage. I can even say that I can speak a bit from experience. These are times of trial to your mind and decisiveness, these are the things that separate and make the difference between a wife, a mother, and just another women. I really like the advice arabi77 has given you, he seems to be real gentleman in all his posts and also someone with experience. Don’t fall for this temptation, don’t just be a women, that’s easy, be a wife and a mother, it’s more challenging but more respectful and rewarding. Talk to your husband, not about his guy, tell him how much you love him, show him how much you do, find and keep the passion in your life. Good luck to you,
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/18/2005 02:51 by almotanabi.
It's one thing to wonder about what an ex might be doing or look like after years during which lives have been shaped and relations have been formed or severed, but it's another thing to think about acting on feelings you might have for this ex and WANDER the streets loking for him! hey you might be shoked if you foundout he's dating your best friend! or.... In other words, stay put and know that feelings are ok to be had, but not Ok to be acted on; especially since you're already "settled" started and have a great family! So as not to come across s thekjnow it all for nothing, I have feelings, ideas like those, but I do believe it's not FAIR to theperson you're with now. That's how trouble begins! remember Curiosity Kills the Cat! Unless you don't care about the people around you and you want to throw everything through the Window! We can't have it all, you know! Best of luck to you Yani
Your case is not a separate case. Most of married people do sometimes remember of the good time and good feeling with a former boy- or girlsfriend. You have to live with these nice souvenirs.In fact early statges of "dating" are like sweet dreams and one would like to see revival of these feelings.
Please you should not be naive, time, time and again time is a killer for any relationship or marriage. One should be strong and realistic unless one is really unhappy in his current relationship. (which is not apparently your case. No one can bring the past back. If you are really happy and you love your husband, look forward in planning the future with him.
Wonder05 a écrit: ------------------------------------------------------- > Hi everybodey, before I start, I do not welcome > comments or arguments, but i do welcome advises > and a lots of advises please..... > Well here is my story: I used to hang out with > this guy sort of my first love and I was his too > when we were teenagers, sort of dating but nothing > physical, so this guy left to another country > after I breack up with him, my life kept moving > but I didnt pay that much attention to him by then > because our relationship was finished in a nice > way. So after that I moved to another country for > school too. I met a very sweet, smart and nice > gentlman with whom I fell in love and since the > feeling was mutual we ended up getting married and > living hapily thereafter. > But lately I started wondering about what happened > to the man I first dated in my life? I feel very > eager to see him and talk to him? Is this normal? > what can I do, I love my husband and It's very > true that I no longer have feeling about that > first man especially now that I am married for > quite sometime. > Please help me clear this guy out of my mind??? > What can I do? --------------------------------------------------------------------
salam every bodey
dear friend
you must be happy to have a husband who loves you and whom you love why you want to finish with this love?
think only of your husband and your future children don't lose your life stupidly.
Thank you Krim and I'm not doing any Bsala, I was just stating what I felt and it was not an exaggeration but thank you for your inputs anyways Concerning you panamcasa, I'm not being stupid just because I had some thoughts, Indeed I am very happy and very thankful to ALLAH because I have a wonderful husband but as everyone might have sometimes some weak moments where the devil can take advantage of you. But Alhamdoulilah I am doing great now and my thoughts are more focused thanks to all of your Inputs and advises ALLAH Bless Yawl!!
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