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Morocco # English board

منتدى المغرب و المغاربة حول العالم

salam

I am a new member on this forum and I hope to be an efficient one.

I chose this forum to expose my problem that continues to aggravate. In fact, I am married with a moroccan man and we're living now in france, the problem is that he's addicted to lottery and is ready to spend all his money on.He doesn't think of anything of his household, neither the house rent, nor all other ivoices. I tried with his all solutions, long discussions, disputes, telling to his family...everything but in vain, every month it's the same story.

We have mountains of unpaid bills and fines at home and he reacts veeeeeeeeeeeeeery normally.

Tell me please what could be the solution for my situation, I could have claimed divorce but we have a little baby and I can't do anything...

Have you tried an intervention with his family ? Our parents still hold a strong moral authority in our families.
If not, on the legal side, do you have a power of attorney to control the flow of cash ? That's the surest way to stop him from gambling.

thanks a lot for your response!

In fact all members of his family are trying to convince him to stop gambling but in vain, especially that his mother is a widow and it's her, in main cases, who assumes our household expenses (I mean shopping). On the legal side, as you said, I don't really know what I can do, especially that they say that the husband's debts are also those of the wife, which makes me frankly worried because as far as I know, this is not the case in morocco, my original nation.

One of the things that he should now is the probability to win in lottery. It is almost 0.
At least one can think of playing moderatly so the budget of the family does not suffer.



In addition, how about earning his own moeny through hard work. This way you will be more satisfied than getting money trough gambling. After all gambling is forbidden in islam in case he is a believer.
Anyway using commun sense or belief in both cases he should stop gambling. If not you should tell him if he will not stop, you are thinking of divorcing.


Good luck



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2007 01:28 by Krim.

Does he admit that he is an addict? If not, you will have a hard time curing him.

I suggest you go to doctissimo.fr forums, they have a psycology section and a lot of discussions about addictions, try to print something for him to read so he can be aware that gambling is destroying his life and also try to expose your case there, hopefully you will get more help.

Hi Mouhajira2007,

About the legal matters, if you're in France and haven't drafted a prenuptial agreement, you are responsible for the debts incurred. However after 2 years of marriage, you can set up an agreement separating your assets and debts. Here are some links where you can find useful information.

[vosdroits.service-public.fr]

[vosdroits.service-public.fr]


Now relationship wise, your husband needs your help, he has an addiction which has been documented as Krim and Passerby. Whatever the relationship, marriage or just living together, loyalty is the glue that holds things together, now is the time to show it.
He has a weakness, I assume if you have a baby with him, he's not a bad man, so strategize and cut the flow of money first then deal with the symptom.
You said the mother holds the purse, work with her to cut him off, he'll yell, throw a tantrum but it's for his own good.
Hope this helps.

hello everybody

I can admit that all your comments are very useful. As krim said, his sole objective in life is to win a considerable amount of money "one day" because he doesn't stop saying "if I won I would do this, this and this"... but in fact he just continues to destroy our material situation and poison our marital life.I told him many times that this can generate a separation but he doesn't even care, because he knows that i can bear anything he does because i can never abondon my daughter (in case of divorce, it's him who will obtain her guard because he has the french nationality). and in accordance to our religion, gambling is forbidden as you said and I assimilate this very well. by the way, he is a muslim but not a devout one.
to answer you passerby, yes he does admit that he's addicted and he exactly knows what all the consequences this can generate but...

about the help and loyalty you spoke about chelhman, you can believe that I and his mom have tried all the means, we know, to cut him off, but in vain even if he loves his mom very very much.
one last thing, we got married in morocco and we didn't sign any paper about assets and debts..I will have a look on the sites you gave me in order to better understand my situation...

thanks a lot

Assalam Mouhajira2007, there is one thing you have to understand that no one can change your husband's attitude to gambling except himself. Whatever you do or say, it won't make no difference at all. It is really up to him what he will decide in the end of the day. Usually people take up gambling because of the hope, as Krim said, that one day they will win big BUT a gambler is always a gambler. Also, don't worry too much about inheriting his debt if the bills are not in your name, however, those unpaid bills will affect your future credit. Very diffucult situation to be in but one that can be resolved either now or later in the future. Things sometimes happened mysteriously and you could be very surprised if one day he walks in and say 'what have I done?'
The question is, how much long can you hold on or even be patient? If my wife is an addict to gambling and I see things are going deeper and deeper into the red, then I will plan my next step without her...life is too short to be hanging on around people who do not care about others particularly if you have a new born to look after..remember, this situation can affect your baby from early age..fights in the house, shouting, etc..At least look at the bright side of things..imagine if he was spending his money on drugs .....good luck anyway and thank you for sharing with us and Allah ma3ak.

HI.

Even if you divorce ,you can never forget him the nice baby will makes you remember him that's why you must be confident and avoid to divorce ,you know God created the wold in one day and he created the man who we are in six days and he was really tired ,I hope you see what I mean .

Kader

Quote
mouhajira2007
salam

I am a new member on this forum and I hope to be an efficient one.

I chose this forum to expose my problem that continues to aggravate. In fact, I am married with a moroccan man and we're living now in france, the problem is that he's addicted to lottery and is ready to spend all his money on.He doesn't think of anything of his household, neither the house rent, nor all other ivoices. I tried with his all solutions, long discussions, disputes, telling to his family...everything but in vain, every month it's the same story.

We have mountains of unpaid bills and fines at home and he reacts veeeeeeeeeeeeeery normally.

Tell me please what could be the solution for my situation, I could have claimed divorce but we have a little baby and I can't do anything...

Hello,
Sorry for this trouble.
I heard that someone who's addicted to lottery (or other addiction) must see an psychologist.

PS : my english is not good. Sorry for the mistakes

HI.
I'm glade to came back to our forum but what about you I suggest you to do any solutions as you said the story is the same and what about your English ,you master a good English and what about mistakes all people makes mistakes even in their proper story as your husband did any way don't be surprised by what your husband do for the moment try to take care of your lovely baby who must be your reason of to be .
try to remember what i said in my last message even if you divorce ,you can never forget him the nice baby will makes you remember him that's why you must be confident and avoid to divorce ,you know God created the wold in one day and he created the man who we are in six days and he was really tired ,I hope you see what I mean . Good when he created the man he was completely exhausted .
Kader the man who do mistekes

thank you very much for the interest you show regarding my story.

Yes, I think that everyone makes mistakes as you said kader, but the more difficult is to know what these mistakes are leading us to and continue to make and remake them.
You know because of gamling, we are in a very critical material situation, whith all what it engenders
of other problems: disputes everyday, letters from les huissiers de justice everyday...and the firt one who suffers from all this is my little baby...
I do want to divorce but as you said, what about my little baby? She is my reason of living and my sole treasure, I am not ready to lose her!
I wish that Allah puts an end to that nightmare!

Hi "mouhajira2007",

Just a blink of an eye to our friend "sidi belebbes" : how can you say about God that he got not only tired but also exhausted when he created man ??? No comments, but we all do mistakes don't we ? So please, for your own interest, i advise you to ask God for forgiveness... Meditate on it...

Ok, dear "mouhajira2007", as "sidi belabbes" said, DO NOT, IN ANYWAY, go through a divorce... This has got nothing to do with losing your baby. You pretty much know that no matter if your French or Moroccan, in France they want the kids with their mom. So if you divorce, the girl will stay with you 'cos she needs her mom, and as a matter of fact your husband works, so he can't look after her...

Anyhow, i think you've done your best, but you now need to pray Allah, and i'm sure you do. So do it in order to ask Allah to keep your husband away from gambling, Allah CAN keep him away and make gambling his enemy in a wink of an eye. But do it, even if it has to take a bit of time, at least you won't regret it afterwards... So before you take any action against him, pray Allah, that will make the difference, you just have to believe in it deeply. In other respects, if you really can't get hold of the situation, then do "ISTIKHARA"... Allah will help you according to your intention...

Good luck and take care for now...

HI

dear sir, I ‘am a bad man as all we are ,the man who am’I is the man who God created and was exhausted ,I know that you are a wonderful model of the actual human who must be done once moor .
Any way, you didn't understand me at all , I suggest you to learn again what I said about myself and I hope you understand yourself according to what a man who we are is actually doing in our world .
What I said means the badness of the man who we are ,excuse me and pray for all man without exception ,me and you first we all have to know that God is not a blind .
Would you believe it ! it’s time to say simply that we are far from the truth and it’s cruel to separate baby by an indeed divorce to his father as I said to the lady and I’ am not interested by what you understand but by what my chapter means .
kader

HI sister.

What a nice Mather you are ,I never forget what what you said about your lovely baby who is your reason of living and your sole treasure.
You know sister that in this difficult circumstance you have no choice and what you are doing is the Best ,just be confident and relay an God and yourself don't be afraid ,you will see every thing can change in half hour don't forget that God is not blind .
Kader the man who do mistakes

thanks a lot kader and shams al arab!

HI Sister.

You know the life is not easy and the man too but what to do !
in this sad time would you like to see with all your love your lovely baby smiling and believe me this small lovely butterfly who is your baby ,this nicest Ange who God love it ,will show you the way to keep ,try to take care of this Ange ,he is your only one chance to meet the way of Good with your honesty,you know no man can dictate you what to do as your lovely baby first .
kader the man who did mistakes

Yeah, i think i got you now, kader. No misunderstanding at all !

Take great care dud !

Good luck to you mouhajira2007

HI

Good luck to you too man and women.

KADER

HI sister.

I appreciate your courage ,you know good luck sister.


Kader