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Morocco # English board

منتدى المغرب و المغاربة حول العالم

hey everyone
im in need of a bit of advice about my relationship.
i am 23 and married to a moroccan man, we have been married for 3 years not and everything was fine to begin with but now i am at a point where i dont know what to do.
ill start at the begining.
we met in spain and i then went back out there once for 3 months and then again for 6 months, in this time we got married. i then returned to the uk and waited for a visa for him to come and join me, when he got his visa he came but wasnt happy living in england so a month later we decied to come to belgium i wasnt too keen but said i would go. we have been here 2 years now and i am hating it so we are going to return to england, first me then he will join some months later, thing is im not sure if i want him to.
he has a cousin here and has made a lot of friend but i have had problems as i dont speak the language i have some friends that i work with but we are all living in different parts. any way he just doesnt seem to care about me, he is always with his friends, i mean always, sometimes from 10 in the morning untill 2 am the next morning, and while he is out having fun i am stuck at home alone, we have different days off because of our work but every day he has a couple of hours free in the afternoon but still he goes to see his friends, he just doesnt understand that i need time with him too. i am alone in a country that i dont like to be with him. i wouldnt mind him spending time with his friend if he gave me time too but he always chooses them.
he tells me that all moroccan men are like this, is this true??
i love him but he is hurting me too much, i know i should probaly leave but i am torn, dont know what to do

Hi. I am sorry to read about your troubles. You sound like you're married to a proper selfish, egocentric and self-centered man and i personnally don't think you should put up with it any longer!
I can't belive he qualifies his attitude as typically Moroccan!! that's completely and utterly untrue! he is the exception and he should be ashamed to treat you like he does. Moroccan men respect their wives and treat them properly. Either this guy is a liar or he has suffered some kind of damage when he was a kid (maybe his father used to treat his mother badly).
You say that you love him but really how can you love someone you hardly ever see? he should be a complete stranger to you given the fact that he spends his days and nights with his mates. What about him? does he love you? how does he justify his attitude?
And now, why do you want to come back to England? are you English? i don't blame you for not liking Belgium, there is nothing to compare!
I think you should have a proper word with your husband! you've been really brave for putting up with this for 3 years. Tell him to stop making up stories about Moroccans being like him. He needs to get his act together and start treating you properly because you are his wife and not his servant. Try also to understand his psychology, maybe he is missing something but doesn't know how to talk about it. He could be in need of help. Give it a trial before taking drastic measures. It could be just a communication problem. Good luck

Hi

sorry to hear of your troubles as Minniemouse said what your hubby is telling you is a lie as this is a behaviour & we cannot blame it on where we came from ...........
It looks like you guys need to set down & talk about what you want & what is keeping you together & i'am a man & i do believe a lady have to understand that we need our space & our friends being Moroccans is no exception but to abuse this & not to spend quality time with you is taking the .....

Good luck i guess you must have some thing between you to keep you togethet this long ,so let work at it & put all your issue on the table & try to find a compromise ....... Love does not have a nationality ...religion .....

Unfortunatly it is very common among Moroccan men or other arabs for that matter. Here we cal them cafe loosers, They spend all their time with their other looser freinds and totaly neglects their duties as fathers and husbands. They typically sit in some typically moroccan cafe all day long.(I can tell you that there alot of those in Belgium). Very often they don't have a job but rely on the wifes income or or social wellfare. Not only does the wife have to earn the money she is also the one who is doing the shoping household and rising the kids. Thankfully alot of woman leave this kind of loosers now a days. You probably can't change him while you live with him, You just have to leave him and waite till he comes back to you when he realises what a looser he has been. He will not change if he knows you love him and that you will not leave him. Just do it. Good luck

Hi

I'm sorry to hear about this... i don't think its a good idea to put an end to this relationship because of this misunderstanding....
I agree with Minniemouse & atlasmagic, u better discuss & settle things on the table. comminication is the only key to solve this probleme.
A word to Kutchia, don't try to give a bad image of Moroccans & Arabs simply 'cause u might 've a bad experience.....
As a whole Arabs respect their wifes & treat them correctly and for ur information Arabic countries divorce is the lowest rate in the world.

Thank you

Salam All

Let me tell what a single mman think of this..

i think there is always latent causes to every problem, there is surely a reason this man leaves his home and prefers to stay with his his friends instead of taking his responsibilities as a husband solving the problem starts with identifying this reason, if there is any, and if the man lives this as a way of life then the solution is trying to help him change, if he is not willing to, then maybe comes the horrifying drastic solutions some of us talked about, you know what i mean..

Kutchia, i'm sorry but were are here to help the lady solve her problem and project our own nightmares on her, As i have lived in Belgium for 4 years, i know that there is a lot of "loosers" as you called them in cafés, but i know also that there is a lot moroccans struggling hard to survive, some of them in offices wearing nice ties, the others wearing jean's and ..

Salam

Salam All

Let me tell you what a single mman think of this..

i think there is always latent causes to every problem, there is surely a reason this man leaves his home and prefers to stay with his his friends instead of taking his responsibilities as a husband solving the problem starts with identifying this reason, if there is any, and if the man lives this as a way of life then the solution is trying to help him change, if he is not willing to, then maybe comes the horrifying drastic solutions some of us talked about, you know what i mean..

Kutchia, i'm sorry but were are here to help the lady solve her problem and project our own nightmares on her, As i have lived in Belgium for 4 years, i know that there is a lot of "loosers" as you called them in cafés, but i know also that there is a lot moroccans struggling hard to survive, some of them in offices wearing nice ties, the others wearing jean's and ..

Salam

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Hicham_A
Salam All

Kutchia, i'm sorry but were are here to help the lady solve her problem and project our own nightmares on her, As i have lived in Belgium for 4 years, i know that there is a lot of "loosers" as you called them in cafés, but i know also that there is a lot moroccans struggling hard to survive, some of them in offices wearing nice ties, the others wearing jean's and ..

Salam

Please read my post again. Iam not writing of the vast majority who take care of thweir families and sometimes strugle hard to make a living or at least trying. I am talking about those who neglects their responsebilities. The lady that started this thread wrote the he is gone from 10 in the morning untill 2 am the next morning. There is no excuse for this kind of behaviour. And it is certinly not a way to solve ones problem. Only one conlclusion...A Looser.

You need to sit down with your husband, have a good chat, explain your problems and fix the rules for the future. You should not have to endure this anymore!

Try to find a middle ground with him, say he can go out 3 times a week and the rest stay at home or go out together. once this done, you should follow up with another discussion to determine the rules for the longer term: which country you should settle in, children education, jobs ...

It's a shame not many couples do this before they marry, it would avoid so many problems and divorces.

So many marriages for the wrong reasons! Not to beat on the subject, but that's unfortunately a rarity these days to have great couples going about it the right way, which is why there's so many separations and problems! Marriage is not a lock regarding problems, but a straight honest discussion before hand and afterwards is the Key to a solid Union!
Flefla jus hit it on the nose! That is you advice and I would take it and run with it if I were you!
Best,

Kutchia,


Take it easy, i just heard this a billion times and i think sincerly that it might be better be positive and focus on the solution, anyway; Peaaaaaaace ....

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Kutchia
Unfortunatly it is very common among Moroccan men or other arabs for that matter. Here we cal them cafe loosers, They spend all their time with their other looser freinds and totaly neglects their duties as fathers and husbands. They typically sit in some typically moroccan cafe all day long.(I can tell you that there alot of those in Belgium). Very often they don't have a job but rely on the wifes income or or social wellfare. Not only does the wife have to earn the money she is also the one who is doing the shoping household and rising the kids. Thankfully alot of woman leave this kind of loosers now a days. You probably can't change him while you live with him, You just have to leave him and waite till he comes back to you when he realises what a looser he has been. He will not change if he knows you love him and that you will not leave him. Just do it. Good luck

Maybe you've been hanging with these kind of men, but don't make a general statment about arabs, morrocans.
If you are around losers, that's your personal experience.

Dear in need of Help,
I think it is your husband who needs help. This is typical for many coming from Morocco where one notice the lack of maturity and the lack of vision and goals in life. They keep hanging around talking nonsense, drinking cofee, and the same scenario repeat itself every day,every week and every years. At the end they notice the no achievement in professional and in private life as well. This is the sad story about it.
You at least, you are trying to fix out thing for yourself and you are asking fundamental questions.
I think he is not aware that he is hurting himself by his behaviour.
My advice is similar to what felfla and Yani already mention. I will add that you should show more determination. He needs to focus on his work and probably spend more time reading an educating himself.
This will automatically make him present at home and therefore spending time with you. He should have activities at home and undertake activities with you.
I think he does not know what to do with his time, so he meets others like him, cultivate mediocrity and try to kill the time.
This lack of education is at the heart of our society. Your husband needs help.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/03/2008 09:11 by Krim.

Coming from Morocco or Transammonia would not make a slightest difference. There are English blokes who work all day five/six days a week; at nights they hang around pubs drinking and chatting up girls half their ages. Furthermore the weekends, either they sleep their hang over all day or beat it out of their partners.

Communication will only work if both parties are ready to welcome it. Friendship is symmetric relationship if you are not his friend before becoming his wife; don’t expect it will happen over night. Marriage is a puzzle for two individuals to solve; he is not a perfect man and you are not a perfect woman for sure you only have to be perfect for each other. If he is not interrested in being at home may be, just may be being at home is not that interresting in his eyes.

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Adidas and no bol….

hello !

Sorry to hear that !

if your husband is like that ,this tdoesn't mean that all moroccans do the same.my advice is to talk to him .be sincere with him and tell him that u feel so lonely .then the result depends on his behaviour .

regards

oh my sister iam sorry for you . Its realy a big problem if he love you he must stay with you because the emigration is very difficult. but if you love him you have to be strong and tell him that its wrong that all marrocains are like this

you should talk to him and try to know why he is always with his mates ?

is there some problems on your couple ? financiel problem ? emotionnal problem ?

his behavior is not normal cause, when we are in love we spend more time with our lover

Islah you have very nice advices

islah that is why he is out all the time
There are more Moroccans in the sea

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Adidas Best swimming costume

hahahah

Yes,u r right

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adds
islah that is why he is out all the time
There are more Moroccans in the sea

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Adidas Best swimming costume

03:36AM!!!!! do you guys ever pick up some sleep?????

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Minniemouse
03:36AM!!!!! do you guys ever pick up some sleep?????

Not if i have not job at the morning

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islah

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Minniemouse
03:36AM!!!!! do you guys ever pick up some sleep?????

Not if i have not job at the morning

See, that's exactly what i meant by "you do not have real jobs!!"

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Minniemouse
See, that's exactly what i meant by "you do not have real jobs!!"

It's not my falt if i have to work only 12 hours a week

but there s another part that should be done at home

ha i am a moroccan came to england only a week ago .i got married to a 22 years old girl i know her from the internet we managed to get the visa only a wwk ago and when i am in uk now she sais she is not happy any more and she wants to be aloune haaaaaaaaaa what a joked .now i am stuck here no work i dont know no one no money so i am seriously stuck and i dont know what to do ????????????????? whose the selfish nowwwwwwwwwwww

Kamal, don't be naive. Divorce rate is low in Arabic countries not because marriages are successful, but because women have practically no voice! In many places, they cannot legally file for divorce. Furthermore, if a man divorces his wife, it is often blamed on the wife without any questions. Recently, Morocco changed this law and now women are given equal rights in this area. However, it will take many more years before it is socially acceptable!

Hey Tamazirt, out of respect you could ve opened a new post for your problem that is kind of very rude doing

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Adidas Best respect for all

i hate it when everyone says "OOH NO NO NO NOT ALL MOROCCANS ARE LIKE THAT" okaaay what the $%^$%^ then how come we all hear the same story every day over and over and agian again again what the @#$# is that?

why marocons today have no fear of allah?